"I Remember"

I remember the day we first met over 21 years ago. I was four and you were five, and we were in your backyard playing on the swingset. I had come over with Julie to meet your sister and you happened to be outside. We played for awhile before you found out that I had a brand new swing set with a glider and a see saw, and proclaimed me to be your new best friend. We played for hours until our parents called us in for dinner.

I remember all the fun times we had in the summers. Swimming at the community pool, where if I recall you always pushed me off the diving board or off the side. We would play baseball, capture the flag, and ghost in the graveyard until we were too tired to move. You always picked me on your team, since that was the only way I would ever play.

I remember all the fun times we used to have in the cold winter months as well. Sitting in your basement playing games of "life", "clue", and "monopoly". I remember the night you taught me how to cheat at poker, and the night you mooned me for beating you at "clue".

I remember all the times you would hang out with me when your sister would bail out on our plans. We watched a lot of movies together that way.

I remember being in elementary school and having the huge sleepovers at your house. We would sleep near each other to talk during the night, but I always felt safe with you by my side.

I remember the bad times as well. Like the time you were hit by a motorcycle, I was scared to death that you were going to die. Imagine my relief when you turned out to be just fine.

I remember the day I realized that I liked you as more than just a friend. It was right after my dad had passed away and you wrote the simplest note in a beautiful card. It brought so much comfort to me, and I pull it out on occassion when I need a little lift me up.

I remember when I heard you were moving away, I should, it was just the other day. I wish you the best of luck on whatever it is you feel you need to go out and find. But in my deepest heart I have hope that years from now I will have newer "I remembers" to add to this list.

"When Life Gives You Lemons......

........... squeeze them into a glass of vodka"

This is a quote my friend e-mailed me after a particularly rough day. I had been called on my first job interview in weeks and I was filled with so much promise. It was one of the worst interviews I had ever been on in my life. She frowned when I told her I was unemployed and got defensive toward me when I told her that I was working on finishing my degree. I can understand that school would create some scheduling conflicts but I have never been on an interview for a part-time job where it was that big of a problem. She never asked me about any previous job experience, expect "have you ever worked before" and she had me out of her office in less than five minutes.

I felt like a piece of garbage tossed to the curb. Like she had no interest in me at all. I am starting to realize that it might be a blessing that I did not get that job since she seemed like a difficult person to work with.

It just frustrates me because I have been working so hard to get back to work. I put in tons of applications either to be led on only to be told that they filled the position from within or I never hear back from the company. I realize that it is tough out there for jobs but something has to give.

Thanks for letting me vent.

100 Books in 6 Months, A Challange to Myself.

Tonight I was thinking about how much I used to read. I could go through a book a day when I was in my hay day. Then I started working full time and going to school full time and I had no time to do any pleasure reading. My list of books I want to read has gotten very long so I decided to issue myself a challange. I am going to try and read 100 books between May 6, 2011 and November 6, 2011, six months. I am a little daunted by the number of books since that means I have to read at least 16 books a month, something that I have not done in a while.

I figure while I look for a job and work on getting things together for school it will be something to keep my mind fresh.

I will keep everyone updates on how things are going and what books I am reading. It actually gives me some good things to blog about as well.

100 Books, 6 months booklist
1. Franny and Zooey by JD Salinger


Wish me luck!!!!!

"Ohana means family.....

...and family means no one gets left behind" Stitch in Lilo and Stitch.

I have to say that this is one of my favorite quotes from a recent Disney film. It speaks so highly about my family and how we are. My family is very tight knit. Besides just my mom and my dad, when he was still around, the rest of my immediate family is very close. They are the ones who keep me grounded and encourage me to follow my dreams. They are always there when I need a helping hand or just someone to talk to. So today I am going to introduce you to a few of my family members.

We will start with my mom. She is the best mom a girl could ask for. I would not say we were best friends but as I have gotten older we have formed a type of friendship. We are a little like Lorelai and Rory Gilmore from the Gilmore Girls. At times I feel as if I am the adult in the situation, just like Rory did at times. I can talk to her about almost anything and we share a love of both music and movies. She supports my crazy obsessions, Pirates of the Caribbean and Vampires come to mind.

She has always filled our house with love and warmth. She was a stay at home mom for the first 10 years of my life. She was active in the schools and at my dance studio but never hovered like I saw other parents do. She was not afraid to let me fall and make my own mistakes. Even when she returned to work, as a substitute in the schools, I never felt like I was missing anything by her not being home all day long. She would make special time for me on weekends and we would have a girl's night out once a month.

A few years ago she suddenly became very ill and I was terrified we would lose her. She was constantly tired and fell down a lot. Once they hospitalized her for a week and finally figured out what was wrong. In combination with her fibromyalgia, it was discovered that her body was not absorbing fat soluble vitamins and she had low blood pressure. Today she is back to her normal self and I could not be more grateful.

Today she is retired and keeps up with her hobbies of knitting, sewing, and reading. She is in good health and has done a great job of keeping me sane during some troubling times.

Next we will talk about my dad. He was an amazing father and I miss him every single day. There were times that we did not get along at all, but that is pretty normal for fathers and daughters at times. The amount of door slamming in our house at that time was huge, but even when he was angry with me, I always knew he loved me. My high school years were very trying on him but we came out on the other side closer than ever.

Growing up I felt very lucky because my Dad's job allowed him to attend many events during the day. he worked for an insurance comapny and could make his own hours, chosing when he did his inspections. My friends were always so impressed that he was there.

He occassionaly did have to go out of town for a few days every once in awhile since the company he worked for was located a few hours away. He would always bring me back a small gift, usually a barbie. It was not until years later that he confessed he would just stop off at the drug store at the end of our street and pick one up before coming home. It never made it any less special just typical of my dad.

He retired when I was in the sixth grade and had a few part-time jobs to keep himself from going crazy. He worked at a bank for a short time and a factory that boxed up medical supplies.

When he had his heart surgery back in 2001, I thought for sure we would lose him. It took several weeks of actually seeing him get better for me to realize that he was out of the woods. I remember very clearly about the day he came home after spending seven weeks in the hospital, the excitement to have him home everyday was big. He did eventually return to work part-time and I even worked for him. A good friend of his owned a mailing store and made my dad manager. When I was 18 his boss asked me to work there as well. It was frustrating at first since my dad had to train me and watched over my shoulder every minute but as we went along it got better and better.

We did drift apart for awhile, not doing things together as much. Especially after I got my liscense and went out with friends more and more. Then when he got sick in 2007 and was placed in a rehab care facility, I made sure to spend more time with him. My mom and I went together nearly everyday. I would go on my own Friday nights and we would have pizza for dinner and watch movies I would take with me. We always had the aides and nurses stopping in to join in on the fun.

As a family we did lots of things together. We always went away somewhere on Spring Break, mostly Niagra Falls. We would take road trips to Amish Country and Columbus to visit the zoo. We spent many summer days at Sea World when we had one here in Ohio.

It's the most wonderful day of the year

No I have not gone crazy and think it is Christmas again. I am talking about Opening day here in Cleveland, Ohio. I look forward to this day all winter long. It is the day I get to see my Cleveland Indians take the field. There is a renewed sense of hope in the air. Hope that we will go all the way and win the World Series.

Baseball has been a huge part of my life since I was a little girl. Both my mom and dad loved baseball so I have distinct memories of watching it on television. My dad would always tell me of his adventures of going to the old stadium to see games. My mom even has a ball signed by all the players from 1954. My grandfather gave it to her since they shared baseball together, plus my uncles would have probably lost it. I even used to play tee ball and softball.

It was not until the Cleveland Indians moved to Jacob's Field in 1994 that I got to attend my first game. I was nine years old and excited beyond belief. I went with both my mom and dad, and even though our seats were way at the top, it was an experience I will never forget. The fact that they won made it even better.

I have been many times since then, and recently last summer I attended 5 games. That was the most ever in one season. I went with my mom four times and my aunt the other. I love going to the ballpark and hope to this season. I love hearing the sounds of the ballgame the most. From the crack of the bat to the whoosh of a strike going over the plate. I love hearing the crowd cheering loudly and the vendors shouting "Peanuts, hot dogs, Ice cold beer". The food is even amazing. Who doesn't love hot dogs with peanuts and crackerjacks. Now that I am old enough even a nice cold beer on a warm summer night makes the experience special.

So today on Opening Day I saw "GO TRIBE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Losing and gaining

After seeing all of the medical issues that both my mom and my dad have gone through during my life, I made a decision about a year ago to take better care of myself. I weened myself off of my pop habit, now I enjoy the ocassional glass but no longer use it as my only beverage of the day. I slowly began to swith out all of my white carb loves for whole versions of them, whole wheat pasta is delicious. I made an effort to try a new fruit of vegetable each month and give ones I previously did not like a try. By doing this I learned that I love asparagus and was right all along in my hate of peas.

I then began to exercise more. I began walking in the warmer months with some neighbors and volunteering to take dogs for walks during the day. I got some fun "Dancing with the Stars" exercise dvds and began to dance again, something I had done all the way through childhood and throughly missed.

In the span between February 2010 and this month I have lost a grand total of 35lbs. It might not seem like a large number but the biggest accomplishment is that I have been able to keep it off. Something that has never happened before. I did not believe how much weight I had lost until a good friend came over one night this week to borrow a purse from me and commented at all the great clothes I had in my closet that she had never seen on me before. I sadly told her I had bought most of them a few years ago when I had lost some weight and had gaine it all back. She convinced me to try them on again and I was surprised to learn that most of them either fit perfectly again or were even a little to big.

This made me come to a realization that I am changing and for the better. Yesterday morning for the first time in a long time I did not dread getting dressed because I knew that things fit better. My mind finally let me start believing what I had been seeing for the past few months. While out yesterday I did not feel the need to constantly readjust my clothing and feel like people were staring at me because my clothing looked horrible.

I know I still have a long road ahead of me to get my self confidence completely back but this is encouraing to me.

Friends are the family that you choose

Friends are a very important to me, and mine are the greatest in the world. Most of them I have known for years, while others are more recent. I even have a great community of online friends who encourage me, whether it be losing weight or saving money. Each friend is unique in their own way and even if we do not see each other for awhile we pick right off where we were the last time.

First off there is Julie. I have known Julie since I was four years old. Her family had just moved onto our street and she was five. She was riding her bike around one summer afternoon and noticed that we had a swingset in our backyard. My mom and dad happened to be out doing yardwork and she asked if she could play on it. My mom then took her into our backyard and introduced us before we went down to Julie's house to make sure it was alright. Her mom was so happy she found someone her age to play with sent us on our merry way and we played for hours. We became fast friends. We were there for each other throughout our childhoods. She was the first person I called when something good happened, and the first when something bad happened. We got each other through the loss of grandparents and getting into college. She went away to a school three hours away but we never lost touch. E-mail and phone calls became our communication of choice and when she came home we always got together a few times.

She now lives and works in Indiana full time. We talk on the phone a ton and get together whenever possible. She could not come home, due to work obligations when my dad passed, but she was the first one to call and we talked for hours, laughing and crying. It was exactly what I needed from her.

Then there is Rachel. Rachel and I met in fourth grade after her family moved to town. Rachel is deaf and learning sign language was a challange but well worth it. She and I played softball on our church league together and when she got her cochlear implant we enjoyed the sounds of the Backstreet Boys together. We lost touch for a bit after high school.

This past summer we reconnected through facebook and now meet every month for coffee to catch up and just have fun.

Finally there is Tiffany. She and I met while working at a grocery store six years ago. Her best friend Lauren also worked with us and the two of them worked it out so we could go to lunch together one day and we became instant friends. We hung out after work, going to dinner or hitting the beach in the summer and even after we both left the store kept in touch. We have celebrated birthdays together and even worked together again at the most hellish workplace ever. If I ever need encouraging words or some to tell me to get up off my ass I call her. She calls me for the same reasons.

Lately we have not been hanging out as much because she has been working fulltime while getting her massage therapist degree. She finally finished last month and I could not be more proud of her.

There are tons more but these are the ones who I am closest with. These people are my family just like my mom, dad, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins are.